Sav is

bored with this lifeless town and the density of its people.

I love my new friends. SO so much.

If only I had a scanner that worked with my computer

Then you could share the joy of analyzing the apathy and insincerity of my Senior pictures.

LOL @ life

4 bottles of water per day + one or two protein shakes + yogurt for breakfast/some sort of meat salad for lunch/meat and salad for dinner and snacks in between + great sleep + exercise morning and night = HEALTHY!

I feel better already.

It's only been two days though.

Out of four of us on this escapade, one has quit...she is fairly unreliable though.

Thinking about death a lot lately, it's so strange...health to death, bad transition...it depends on my mood...sometimes I'll start thinking about death and not give a rat's ass, sometimes I think about death and freak myself out. So I'm not too sure whether or not I've excepted the inevitable fact or not. Religion doesn't concern me, just the process of death...and the fall of my empire (metaphorically)...I mean, this is something we all think about. Most of us, I believe, want more than anything for their life to mean something. During your life, you accomplish, you fail, you endure, you "love" (whatever that means)...you create, you destroy, you experience, you experiment, and what happens to all that? What happens to your significance? I guess we'll find out. Or not. I said "thinking about death a lot lately." Death is actually on my mind daily, I would like to not dwell on things like that so much.

And people are so strange, how they rely so much on what others think. My ex-friend has made it pretty public that she "DOESN CARE" (her MySpace status). A...pal? has made it clear that she supports Obama and is indeed a Lib...although her actions and words definitely don't show that...nor is she the avid humanist she claims to be...it's a trend. My best friend and I call this recent humanist and hippie trend the "false peace movement." Our generation is sinking lower and lower. Peace signs are being advertised by the people who create drama and violence. The victory symbol is being thrown left and right by phonies whose personalities don't support their claims. Whatever, world. I won't contribute to this fake revolution.

You're so vain, I bet you think this blog is about you

Instead, it's all about MEEEE and the happenins in my fun life!

**My sincere apologies for not updating this thing constantly, I've been as busy as a bee. Busy as a young, female, Chinese bee performing gymnastics in the Olympics.

I thought senior year would blow big, hairy testis since I rid myself of horrid friends. Instead, odds were incredibly in my favor and I'm happy as ever. I made new friends, and oddly each of them were previously friends with horrid people as well, and now we all have our own little sect (and so different from each other, we are). Each of us had terrible feelings about this year, and senior year began swimmingly well for us. (As for our ex-friends, theirs seemed to begin quite rocky. Smileyface.)

( Speaking of horrid friends, I've decided that in person, I wouldn't put anyone off. I'd still treat my ex-friends with respect. And I have. Here's a fact to lead into the next paragraph: I've always been the person they come to for advice. Unlike them, I listen and give my honest take on things, and their problems have always been fairly simple to deal with so I'd pull some rational Dr. Phils. Only, without the insane metaphors.
So, here's what's up. One of my ex-friends makes a stupid decision and can't own up to the consequences, so she's crying, and I'm like...you know, I'll help her. I hate to be any form of a pseudo-intellectual or a conceited douche, but I know for a fact that they wouldn't be as mature as they are without the advice I've given them in the past. So I text my ex-friend, ask her if she wants to talk about it, and she gives me a problem and I give her the whole "Accept that it's your fault and own up to it, take it as prep for the future" lecture. And some other words to soothe her sadness. So, at least she thanked me. Pretty much all my "Being there for people" has been disregarded and unappreciated except for by one of my ex-friends (not the one I'm discussing in this story). So I figured, she'll probably want to talk to me a little more, she'll probably treat me like I'm more of a person. Well, she didn't. Things are still the same, and I need to stop expecting any more from people, especially the hopeless ones, and I refuse to lend anymore help no matter how unfortunate the case. I mean, seriously, they were NEVER EVER EVER EVER, and I mean this, EVER there for me. They've never treated me with respect, not that they're "super duper lucky to have been my friend," but I was their friend, and I deserved better. I just can't be friends who make me feel miserable. I don't know what the hell took me so long to figure that out. But I'm relieved now, and I have a new "group," and we treat each other like gold.)

And Je'uth Chrith, I can't give one god damn opinion without getting jumped on for it. Seriously, wanna hear something silly? My acquaintance says she's going hunting today (my acquaintance who is an avid PETA supporter, not kidding) and I say, "I just lost a little respect for you! (Obviously in a playful way.) Not only are you murdering animals, but you're supporting the gun laws!" Then I went on SUCH a small Twilight rant because she claims to be obsessed with the novels. And I know why she claimed that, it's rather immature, and I won't post the reason as to avoid embarassment for her AND myself. All I said in my tiny rant was that Twilight is poor literature and Meyer's take on vampires licks balls. I even added that it was just her opinion and that I'd leave that alone from then on. And, fuck me in the butt, she replies, so pathetically, "Um...okay...I don't criticize what you read, I only went hunting for the outside experience...thanks for being honest, but sometimes it's just best if you leave things alone." Like...what does that even mean? Even MORE reason for me to not leave things alone. Like, really? Was she really offended by this? Please suck my tit, you fucking baby. I always give my take on things. Don't get your selfish little panties in a wad. Or just don't talk to me. (Why do I say selfish? Because here's a problem with people. It's always about THEM and if someone else's views don't suit THEM, they whine like kitties in heat. Another reason our country is not progressing: People won't give anyone else's opinions the time of day.) Cuuunt. And in all honesty, I couldn't give TWO SHITS if someone criticized my decisions. Will I hear them out? Yes. Are my decisions based on thorough reasoning, so I usually have a case to argue with if need be? Yes.

Moving on to better things...

My Lomo is now filled with pictures that need to be developed, need to go to Wal-Mart stat. A friend from Colorado introduced me to a 365 day photography-blog thing, where you take one picture every day for a year, and post them on a blog. Which, I might do, if I find a working camera / scanner that will hook up to my computer. (I always have petty, insignificant problems like those, it's rather frustrating. I feel as though nothing ever fully works out for anyone, ever. We humans just can't have everything to go perfect, just for a day.)

Remember when I said I'm dieting? Well, I exaggerated a little.
Okay, I completely LIED. Call me a liar, a backstabber, untrustworthy, unloyal...
Well, now, I'm FOR REAL dieting. Seriously. Not because I'm a super-mega-fatty, but because I'm lazy and gluttonous (whether it appears to be so or not) and I need to be healthier. And I'm serious about it this time, others are on the adventure with me. No kidding. Call my lawyer.

Also, I've developed an almost obsessive hatred for the Twilight series. Just the name makes me cringe. Stephenie Meyer has defaced tasteful literature and Dracula's reputation. VAMPIRES WILL NEVER FUCKING SPARKLE IN MY WORLD. Not only does the poor writing infuriate me, but the FANS. God the FAAANS. They're ridiculous. Not once have I met a remotely sophisticated fan of the series. (Please entice me, if you're a fan. And give me reasons to appreciate Meyer's work. I've already read the first book, found it excrutiating to bear and incredibly tedious and felt an urge to vomit in my mouth several times. And the characters??? SOOO unlikable!) The most die-hard fans are so primitive. I stumbled across this fan (click here), mildly entertaining and mildly retarded.


So there's that. And I don't want to type about much else. So enjoy.

stiggy iggy iggy

People say the word "love" left and right. When really, it's either to deny another feeling, for lack of better terms, or they're too ignorant to see reality. "Love" doesn't tear us apart, people who don't understand it do. God damn.

That's what's up

*Nearly everyone I know fits paragraph two (not including this par) in some form, so the creation of this particular blog is absolutely meaningless. I can't think of one person who cares, which is extremely unfortunate and shows a lot about our generation. This is a waste of time, but at least I know I'm not a robot.

Being an Independent, I often find my opinion on the given presidential candidates wishy-washy and inconclusive. I recently claimed refusal to vote at all (for reasons you can personally ask if you're interested), and I came to realization that my decision was based on slight grounds. After investigating the candidates and their views, I've finally made a conclusion. (If this is relevant at all, this is my first time voting.)

***I cannot stress enough the need to form your own opinion here. People tend to follow the views of their guardians, general society, and the media. The media is as sleazy and manipulative as Michael Moore. The media provides the most twisted, biased, and deceptive fallacies. If you're indecisive or politically uneducated, commit to some avid Google research. Find out what these politicians are all about and FOLLOW YOUR OWN MIND. And if you couldn't care less, this is such an important time to get involved. The issues at hand are crucial to your future. Apathy is such a problem with our generation, for the sake of our country and our future, develop some emotions and contribute.

Another brief statement before I get down to the nitty gritty: Neither candidate can possibly change things with the snap of their fingers, which is for some reason, expected by many citizens. Both candidates and their parties contain potential methods of change that are either too idealistic, ultimately ineffective, or only slightly effective in the present. It's only logical that we resolve problems slowly and surely, and not give in to falsely hopeful solutions based on minimal regards for every side to each situation. (Ahem, Obama.) What would be best is if they'd learn to compromise with each other like adults instead of constantly debating, but we all know that's too much to ask.

(I'm no good at transistions, so bear with me.)

I've decided to vote for McCain this year. I find him to be the most trustworthy politician in the biz. He's an incredible role model who has made significant sacrifices to our country. And pretty damn ballsy, one of very few conservatives with the guts to tackle many issues most politicians fail to address. If anyone deserves the White House more, it's McCain.

McCain is an avid supporter of free trade, as am I. So that's that.

Now when it comes to taxes, I have not reached a conclusion on either opinion. (Although I am against sin tax while McCain supports it.) Obama has voted numerous times to increase taxes, and McCain wants to decrease taxes. I find both opinions questionable, but my education on taxes is rather blurry...if you know enough about the situation, you can do the math yourself. However, from what I've heard, Obama's tax plan is ineffective.

McCain is against earmarks, but oddly voted in favor of a bill supporting such research. It's not about the research that gets me, it's the cost. I agree with his opposition, though.

Now McCain supports the reform of many matters (such as MediCare, entitlement, Social Security...) that are crucial to the well-being of each individual. High five. He is also a supporter of organizations who fight for the rights families who wish to place their children in a school beyond their geographical range.

McCain is very experienced militaristically, his biggest strengths lie with the most serious issues in our governent, such as the war and national security--which is highly considerable. McCain being in office would be the best thing for the war, our results would be far less moderate, we'd be far more successful. (Obama isn't the humanist he lets on, his idea of removing Iraqi troops is an example.)

When it comes to McCain's character, he is incredibly strong and consistent. (Which is notable for trustworthiness.) His views are firm and he's not afraid to be honest. He's kind of hilarious, too. His respect for the president is so classy, while it seems every Democrat is focused on Bush-bashing. But it's not that the Bush administration "screwed up this country," it's that they never take action so the problems escalate. (It could be worse, Kerry could have won and our problems would have rapidly escalated.) I think now, it's possible that most issues will improve either way...even though I have a sizable amount of disagreements with Obama's opinions/strategies. I also think there would be a lot of problems if he became president, because of our intolerant country.

I agree more with McCain's views and I believe he is the better choice. My views often lean towards liberalism, but I feel like America is in desperate need of a conservative in the following four years.

Blogging is boring

when no one reads your blogs.

Or when you don't have much to talk about / have too much to talk about to feel like typing.

Bud Ekins, Lupe Fiasco, George Carlin, David Bowie, Conan O'Brien, and Philip Seymour Hoffman are all my heroes. Even though Tina Turner says we don't need those. Too bad I can't think of any female heroes to add to that. ...My mom? I guess she's impacted my life somehow or another. I'd like to add Nas to that list.

People should learn how to spell "definitely."

Um, a friend recently texted me about her mother who got beaten and raped. Such an unfortunate event. She said it was on the news, so I did some research. I found the article via the internet, and the comments? Brutal! These people are heartless jerks! They cared more about their conservative opinions on how it was the victim's fault rather than wishing her well or claiming support towards bringing the criminal to justice. Any person who gave their best regards to the victims would be verbally attacked. It somehow turned into a political debate. It was infuriating, and so childish! These people are ADULTS, arguing with each other through the stupid internet, not over the incident itself but over getting the last word! People are beasts, and that is the problem with this country. There were definitely two sides to this argument, and instead of accepting that both sides are correct, these adults insist on bashing each other and turning the situation into controversy! People need to grow up, and stop being so egotistical. Most ridiculous thing I've ever read.

Got my hurr did.

I like it. I can make a fauxhawk.
So, that's that.

August biz. Friendship biz. Two blogs in one.

The month of August = my birth month and my busy month.

This month has been pretty eventful in the home.

-- Lost some "friends," of course. But gained new ones. It was actually a pretty decent bargain, my life seems to contain zero percent douchebag. *The end of this blog explains how that's going so far.

-- I've become hooked to two television series I just started watching. I watched all three seasons of Death Note, an anime (I appreciate Japan's art, their shows are very sophisticated and creative...call me a nerd), in one day. Currently watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. I'm in the middle of season one, I have a ways to go...but it's a great show. I'm a big Larry David fan.

-- I'm certainly not too big of a girl, but I do have real low metabolism. I've been exercising for the sake of health, and I've watched what I eat. Unfortunately I'm almost afraid of food, every time I eat I immediately get on the treadmill (which I believe is a symptom of anorexia...but don't worry.) It's sad that I've become so cautious, it's not the most fun experience I've ever had...but worth being fit. I'm planning for eating healthy and exercising regularly to become a part of my lifestyle, not just something I feel needs to be done until I drop a few pounds or something.

-- Monday = consultation for my teeth. What they're planning to do is fill some cavities and pull two molars that have almost completely deteriorated, and pull some wisdom teeth. Or something like that. I'm nervous, but ready and willing. (I feel so trashy...but I've heard some crazy cavity stories from some of the most clean-cut people I know, so...yep. I do brush my teeth daily, by the way. Perhaps it's because I don't floss and never see the dentist.)

-- I only have my permit, and I'm 17. (Fortunately, for the sake of reputation, I'm not the only one.) I guess I'm a decent driver, it's just a matter of confidence. We're throwing some to-be-sure lessons in, and taking my test, and hopefully my license will be here before I go to school. (My mom and I are into last minute things.)

-- I'm not high maintenance, I usually keep things pretty simple. My haircuts are never a big deal, I like my hair short and layered and easy to take care of. Four years ago, I had pretty lengthy hair...and I took a big step inside the Short Hair World. The longest my hair has been within these four years would be to about the bottom of my neck. Still, my hair was coarse and bland. Tomorrow I get my hurr did, and since I never color my dark brown hair, I'm probably going to throw in some light brown highlights. I'm going the shortest I've ever gone (I guess I'm getting braver and braver because my haircuts seem to be getting shorter and shorter), here's my plan:




I know my current profile picture is a little vague, but...there's not much I can do...so, let's just hope for the best.







*I've dramatically resolved problems with one friend of the "group." She's the only one who hasn't given up on me, she kept trying. We settled things and we're working on our relationship...it was such a funny conversation, like we're husband and wife. But her and I would have withdrawals if we stayed separated too long. I should have realized that she is the only one who matters. She did me wrong too...but what we two had was always such a closer bond. I can look past mistakes as she can look past mine. I don't need the rest of them to be happy, just whoever truly matters...it was wrong of me to put her in that group of people who I no longer care about like we've never shared a more emotionally intimate past than the rest of them. She isn't a hollow, emotionless machine like the rest of them. She deserves someone with heart too.

I'm semi-villainous

In a discussion with a friend I met online (not through this site), I realized I'm...kind of a douchebag. I'm only human, and of course I'm not the only one with these feelings.

I get a very strange, almost high, satisfaction of publicly humiliating people. Only if they deserve it, of course. I've got a well-developed intuition and I can almost read people like a book. It's fun for me to find a pretentious know-it-all and manipulate them into contradicting themselves. It's also fun for me to meet a smug luminary and boldly let them know how much I won't waste my time falsely exalting them.

I recently attended a concert in which I received backstage passes. The music involved was part of a scene I'm not really into, but the tickets were free so I decided I'd go. Backstage, we saw Tommy Lee. We came closer and closer to meeting him, which was a big deal to the people who brought me to the show. However, I felt stupid for standing backstage...missing the music...waiting for human beings as special as myself to what, disregard my presence? Exchange an insignificant glance? Maybe shake my hand and immediately forget me? I continued to stand with them, humiliated, thinking about how unimportant these people are to me. I'm wasting my time for people who haven't done a thing for me. But I had no choice, I wasn't about to ditch the people who voluntarily saved my boring day. (And you know how much gas is these days...) So I plotted a small scenario in my mind, in hopes Tommy Lee would find the time for his "fans." He was speaking with the drummer of Slipknot, (who...I exchanged very awkward glances with...) and several fans were standing with us awaiting his attention. I thought of what I would say if he approached me, something like, "Don't think I'm a big fan or anything. You're a great drummer, but you put your pants on one leg at a time...you're only human. It's not like I don't know any good drummers myself. You haven't done a damn thing for this world and only pathetic idiots would worship you, you're an ass for thinking so high of yourself. Sex and drugs is all you live for, I hope you're satisfied. You certainly haven't won my respect."

(He refused to take pictures because he was with other women and his wife was back home. Such an honorable guy.)

That would have been the ultimate satisfaction of my life, putting down a "prestige," or so he thinks.

Celebrity worship is pointless and ridiculous, and so is focusing on proving to them that some people really don't respect him at all. It will always be satisfying though...and I hope one day I can truly get into someone like Tommy Lee's head. (If I haven't already)

Sadness is self-induced.

And I'm not sad about living in the asshole of Texas. Just anxious to leave.

I've never stayed in one area so long. A whopping four and a half years. Approx 2400 days. I don't even want to calculate the hours and minutes. My stir-craziness + the shittiness of this place = I don't even know anymore. I don't know whether to say I've adjusted or just grown apathetic. Regardless, I'm just trying to focus on the tiny support system I have. The few friends I have left and optimistic visions of the future should get me through.

It seems every other blog is themed, "GET ME OUT OF HERE." But please don't misconstrue that as sadness or anger, just anxiety. Things could be worse. Could be better -- but could be worse. At this point, leaving takes up the majority of my spare time thinking, blogging takes my mind off it for a while.


I always thought Swedish Fish + Arizona Green Tea = love and happiness.

I was never good at math.

Turns out,
Swedish Fish + Arizona Green Tea = indigestion and regret,

while
Hamburger Helper + trick Ozarka + the Boomerang channel = tranquility and happiness. (Who needs love? Love sucks.)




*trick Ozarka = Ozarka bottles filled with tap water.

Boy you just a no good bitch and girl you're just a stupid dick

I'm exploring religions. Because I'm curious and have nothing better to do? Yes. I like to think it's a constructive activity. I'm looking at Buddhism...it's a fairly simple religion. Except...you have to memorize stuff...(insert awkward-faced emoticon)...I'm not fond of putting forth effort. At least, I think you have to, I googled "guide to being a buddhist." So I'm not sure the site is such a reliable source. The site gives a brief history of how Buddhism began, and explains the "Triple Gem" -- the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. (This is where I realized where the word "Dharma" of the "Dharma Initiative" came from on LOST. Which, by the way, is the most important show in the world. That and Arrested Development.) The site gives the daily routine for a good Buddhist, and here is the list:

1. Paying homage to the Buddha (Reflecting on and reciting the virtues of the Buddha, the Dhamma and the Samgha)

2. Observing the moral precepts (Observing the five or eight precepts to lead a good moral life)

3. Doing the act of charity (Offering alms-food, pure water, flowers, perfumes, and light to the Buddha and the monks)

4. Cultivating loving-kindness (Developing loving-kindness, Metta towards all living beings)

5. Striving for perpetuation and propagation of Buddha's Teachings (Participating in religious associations, supporting the Buddhism Practice, donation and distribution of books on Buddhism, teaching and discussing Buddhism)

6. Practising mindfulness on tranquillity and insight meditation (To overcome the real nature of personality-belief and to see mind and matter in oneself and to contemplate on their nature of impermanence, suffering and no-soul.)

7. Sharing merit (To share the meritorious deeds of charity, morality and meditation by saying "May all living beings gain the benefit of merit equally with me)

...Effort. And, Buddhists frown upon the intake of meat. So, no more Hamburger Helper.

(insert upset emoticon)

Well, don't insert that emoticon yet...because I am still contemplating trying this out. ...Should I?

All these elipses = sign of uncertainty, if you haven't noticed.

Here's the site, b t dub.

I wonder what dogs dream about.

I realized I make a lot of sound effects when I can't be fidgety.

I have a whole month left of summer. Ish. I'm planning on accomplishing things, when I'm not having my teeth fixed. (Which is next week, b t dub.)

• Have a lucid dream
• memorize "Ave Maria"
• Get into Zouk music
• Study uncommon religions
• Learn the Greek Alphabet
• Watch a decent Anime flick
• Create an incredibly difficult origami piece
• Finish a painting and be satisfied
• Halfway fill my new sketchbook (I got my set of oil pastels today!)
• Walk backwards through my entire house
• Build a trebuchet
• Learn how to play Sudoku
• Read a good book (any suggestions?)
• Watch all the movies on IMDB's top 100 movies
• Design my own tat
• Buy all the seasons of Arrested Development
• **Not worry about douchebags
• Learn how to read bar codes

25 days to do such.

Fitter, Happier

I lost my friends.
They let this happen
And I don't want to try anymore, which I told one of them, but it doesn't seem to affect them much.
They are all selfish and greedy with their hearts. I know all they care about is their own personal gain out of something...and I've put up with the drama and pettiness for 3 years.

I think they're expecting me to run back to them, which tends to be the case...but nooot this time. No sir, I am Fitter, Happier, and More Productive...and I'm not going to be weak and give in like the other times, and like everyone else. They've never done anything for me. Not that I expect that out of a friendship, but all those times I've been there, and not even remote gratefulness is shown? Meeeeh.

Austin, here I come.





I admire my mother. She always seems to know what she's talking about, she looks out for everyone, and she doesn't take bullshit from anyone. She's so good at arguing, she always knows what to say and how to manipulate people into taking her side. (Luckily, I know her too well to fall for it.) I love my mom, and as content as I am being opposite of her, I'd like to be just like her when I grow up. Except for the part where she can't stop nagging.


My room looks like a disorganized supply closet with unfinished walls. Which, I like, but...every once in awhile I need to tidy things up.

Wish me luck on my mural.

The Twilight series is horribly written and undeserving of the hype its been given.

I've scarcely slept







and in four hours I'm supposed to be up and moving.









Sorry world. Shittiest blog I've ever written, and it ends here.

Fashionably late introduction.

Hi there. I'm Savannah. Yes, like the city in Georgia. No, not like the grasslands. About thirty seconds ago, when I was thinking about the petty aggravations in my life, I decided I would introduce myself to the blogging world. Or, my blogging world...which consists of Ashley Kay. (Hey, Ashley.)

I was born on August 25, 1990. (Do I make you feel old? Just curious.) I was adopted at 3 months of age, raised in a lovely little Christian home...until I was woken up, at the age of 11, to go watch my father die of lung cancer in a filthy hospital. Such an untimely death. (Please don't pity me. Death happens fairly often these days.) --Pretty much the basics, in a nutshell, to the end of the beginning...which rapidly led to the evolution of my character.

My mother, whom I love dearly but often claims I am ungrateful for her. (I am so fucking horrible with displaying my emotions, so apparently I exhibit a heart of Novocaine.) She tries to control who I'm friends with, because she thinks I'm mildly retarded and can't make decisions for myself. Two of my best friends, my most loyal and true friends, she (thinks she) has banned from my life about 3 years ago. To her, I guess people don't change. She doesn't know much about me, in fact, she insists that I am scared of snakes when it is the one fear I don't have. It's a strange relationship, we are such opposites. Speaking of fears, I'm scared of everything. (Except reptiles. In fact, I just collected a few dead lizards as an art project. Creepy? Maybe.) I fear the ocean, I fear the future, I fear heights, I fear death, I fear public speaking, I fear insects...your average phobias. Now, I might have to scratch some of those because I very recently found a way to eliminate my phobias. I turned my fears into fascinations, I am easily intrigued, and I'm seeing the aesthetic value in my fears rather than the negative potential. I also have textural OCD, or something...a nail scratching paper makes me gag, silk makes me cringe...it's odd. To you. It's the norm for me.

It took me forever to be contented with my views, but now I have my beliefs and I stand by them firmly. (Of course, like the rest of us, I'm still full of curiosity and I still seek the truth.) The day before yesterday, I realized I am smarter than my uncle. He's like, 46. I'm generally a pretty conclusive person, and I base my judgments on solid evidence, I can support everything I claim. However, I hate it when people criticize the indecisive, because many cases (for example, abortion) are two-sided and will always be two-sided. I believe that if people learned to accept that some issues can never be resolved, but perhaps compromised, we would be a couple steps closer to peace.

Society is my nemesis, especially where I live. A small, superficial, conservative town infested with ignorance and naivety. I absolutely fucking hate it with everything I have. I have one more year, and I am leaving as soon as I get the opportunity, I don't care what it takes. I refuse to put up with that place for longer than what I have to. I hate seeing life as nothing but trying to survive, I hate looking at society's lifetime schedule: School, School, Job, Career, Retirement, Death. I like to think we live for more than inhaling, exhaling, digesting, and moving. I hate small talk unless I know it can be used to evolve into a meaningful conversation. I like independent people who stay true to themselves, not the kind that conform to society or conform to nonconformity. (I like what appeals to me.)

Now, I enjoy stupid, pointless quotes, I've never found a quote that has actually meant something to me. A guy I bumped into through the interweb wrote something in one of his blogs that pretty much summed up how I feel about living.

"I cannot stress enough the need to live life to its fullest and live it in truth, not to treat life as a long waiting room, because there is no reason to believe there is anything after it, this is the only shot we can be sure of."

-- Aaron. You can view his profile here.

So that was my time killer. I usually feel like a douche for talking about myself, but my response to anyone who feels that way is: Tell me about yourself.

I've never met an asshole at a rock show.

Confused about all this...

Am I not comprehending?


I'm not the type to believe in Jesus or petty Christian rules...

But, practice what you preach. Seriously.

))<>((

So, a friend of mine was talking about a recent breakup and how his friends told him that he should keep his heart in his back pocket.

I told him that it wasn't a very good idea to keep it in his back pocket, because if he sits down, it will break before he remembers he left it in there.

He told me I was right, that instead he'll keep it in a treasure chest.

I told him that if I were him, I'd keep it in my wallet. That way, it'd always be with him when he knew to use it, and always be hidden when he needed it to be. (Let's hope no one steals his wallet.)

Conclusion: He decided to keep it in his chest so he can keep living.

To Cursive: Art is harder than Hard.

I took a survey today, through MySpace of course. I turn 18 in a month and this survey has been the only one curious about who I will vote for, and here will be my answer for anyone who asks:


23.)who are you voting for? (Brittany, you're too young to vote.)* I'm not voting this year. I'm not voting NOT because I have no opinion, but I'm not voting out of protest. I won't take part in voting for candidates that are either set on criticizing the president / idealistic optimism about change, or strategies that are ultimately ineffective / within a party that is lost when it comes to terms with itself. Until these adults can learn to work together to seek what's best for this country, I'm not voting.




*The girl who filled out the survey before me answered "Obama." She is 16, and quite the follower.


P.S. = Ashley Kay, it is spelled "mural." :)

I want my first tattoo to be of Conan O'Brien.

Today's selfish rant about social issues regarding nothing but my own petty exasperations:

I can't decide whether or not I've been being a recluse or if my friends have been secluding me. Maybe a little bit of both. I don't care. Things were different in Colorado, everyone somehow found things to do and made sure everyone was involved. (And we drank one time, whereas my Texas friends drink every day of their meaningless lives.) I'm happy for myself, I'm done being social if it means being someone I'm not (I sometimes find myself trying to be acceptable to them, like refraining from speaking of things I enjoy and appreciate because I know their superficial minds wouldn't understand or, to be frank, give a flying fuck.) And I'm done being social if it means potentially impairing my health.

However, I do have one friend and one friend only who fits every single aspect of the definition of a "true friend." We hardly ever beef (the only time we have was my fuck up, but we put that behind us very quickly) and we agree on each other. She has yet to let me down, go her.

Myeh. So, the first paragraph doesn't matter. A) It's whatever, I'm leaving this dump, stat, so relationships are temporary and, sadly, won't mean too much to me when I'm gone. B) I have a great friend whom I cherish and that's all I really need.

So heartfelt, so moving.



I'm getting snake bites after I leave. (By then I'll be old enough.)
So, there's that.

I've lost all my creativity for the day (probably because since my return from Denver, life has been...not so eventful...). Also, I'm rather sleepy.

I'm eating peanuts when I'm not supposed to be.

...sorry teeth. Sorry for ruining you.

I move to Austin after I graduate next year. I've felt a desperate need for a cultured environment for such a long time. There are so many things wrong with where I am now. Ever since I came back home from Colorado, I've felt not at home. It's Summer, and I'm not enjoying myself. I'm just trying to get through this summer and senior year, I'm not letting close relationships progress...because I feel like my presence here is so temporary. This place isn't home, not even close. This place is temporary living space, until I move far (enough) away and start living my life. Really living my life, not just trying to pass the time. So, there's that...

And here's my obsession with The Watchmen.
When I was younger, an older friend of mine introduced to me a graphic novel which I could never put down. It was (is that proper tense for this paragraph?) called The Watchmen. I recently came across the trailer for the upcoming film adaptation of the novel, and this wacky feeling of shock and excitement rushed through my veins! (Ha.) So I retrieved the book through the internet and am currently re-reading it. So much nostalgia. Here is the official trailer, via YouTube for all you nitpicky yuppies.





For the curious: The song played during the trailer is "The End is the Beginning is the End" by Smashing Pumpkins. Great song, another nostalgia boost.

I just realized that John Mayer looks like he tastes good

A while back I stumbled across a blog about ten very rare clouds, it was shockingly interesting...I'm still in awe of the beauty nature can produce.

Click the picture below to view blog:

So naturally, I never win arguments with my mom. She either is right, ends up guilt tripping me, or pulls the "society says adults rule over your 17 year old ass" card. But I discovered that I've been winning one argument every time it comes into discussion: Religion. I figure that because, at the end of every argument, the following words are said: "You just have to have faith."

I take no part in religion. My mom is a Christian, and she's one of those Christians that pull "rules" and shit out of their ass. It's strange. For example, I have a friend who apparently believes that since he has a different level of relationship with God than others, he can party and drink. People surrounding me CONSTANTLY make these crazy "rules" up, I find myself constantly asking, "Says who?" or "Did I miss something during all those years of Sunday school?" or "Can you really get a permissive note from God himself saying you can drink because you're more special than me?"

It's not just Christianity I take no part in, it's every religion. Of course, I feel more obligated to argue Christianity because it is the faith I was born into. There is a sizable amount of reasons I choose anti-religion, none of which I will post because I envy believers.
I must add to my friends who continuously hound me about it. I respect your faith and beliefs, please respect my lack thereof.


Well, I had a dentist appointment today. Jesus friggen Christ are my teeth fucked up. In need of a root canal, molar pulled, wisdom teeth pulled, and some fillings. Sooo expensive. And...I'm scared.

Currently listening to: (album) Consolers of the Lonely - the Raconteurs

I get bored, and make profiles.

Currently listening to: Half Nelson soundtrack. Couldn't find it on any torrent site. It's a great soundtrack, and a great movie, I suggest buying it on iTunes. (Better soundtrack than Garden State, maybe?)

No one will read this, but I simply created this for shits and giggles. Also as an experiment to see whether or not I gradually become insane from talking to myself. Or typing to myself, if you will.

So, I've yet to see it. Haven't had time / money / transportation. Unfortunate for me, so I've heard. Apparently all the hype is legit...but trusting the judgment of my friends is difficult for me, so I recently looked at the ratings on watch-movies.net and it was rated 86%. Which, I feel, is inadequate in comparison to what I've heard. So I'm waiting for the DVD to come out I guess, and I'll be the one loser who hasn't seen it...because I don't want to watch any shitty bootleg version that could potentially sabotage my judgment.

I recently returned from Denver. It was my super-exciting vaca of the Summer. I never take vaca's. (I hate when people call them "vaca's.") Flew via airplane, not for the first time but for the first time in a while. The flight was more confining than when I last remember. It was a great experience, I'm from a small, superficial town where art, culture, and modernism aren't recognized. It was a magnificent transition coming from such a bland little town to an abundant, tasteful city. The altitude got to me a little though. I met people there that are so much different from the ones I know. It was strange, being able to express my views without criticism, being able to appreciate and explore all aspects of art without feeling alone, and playing board games for shits and various daytime activities without looking forward to regularly getting drunk. (Where I live, people party constantly because "there's nothing to do." One place is just as boring as the next place. I've discovered WikiHow and sobriety, it's working for me.)

So we visited museums, visited the mountains, ate a lot of food, cooked a lot of food, and various activities that didn't require money or booze and it was juuust fine. I had a lot of fun.

Needless to say, returning was...so unfortunate. (And I found out that the day after I left that Red Rocks was playing the movie "Labyrinth," which made matters more unfortunate.) I grew more and more bummed out the closer we got to home. Now it's nothing but nostalgia and looking forward to graduation, because I know exactly where I belong.

(Well, I'm not planning on moving to Denver...Austin, perhaps.)

Quote of the day: "I think it is history. I think it is racist."
--South Park, debating whether or not the historical yet racist flag should be changed. Portraying indecisive citizens.