stiggy iggy iggy

People say the word "love" left and right. When really, it's either to deny another feeling, for lack of better terms, or they're too ignorant to see reality. "Love" doesn't tear us apart, people who don't understand it do. God damn.

That's what's up

*Nearly everyone I know fits paragraph two (not including this par) in some form, so the creation of this particular blog is absolutely meaningless. I can't think of one person who cares, which is extremely unfortunate and shows a lot about our generation. This is a waste of time, but at least I know I'm not a robot.

Being an Independent, I often find my opinion on the given presidential candidates wishy-washy and inconclusive. I recently claimed refusal to vote at all (for reasons you can personally ask if you're interested), and I came to realization that my decision was based on slight grounds. After investigating the candidates and their views, I've finally made a conclusion. (If this is relevant at all, this is my first time voting.)

***I cannot stress enough the need to form your own opinion here. People tend to follow the views of their guardians, general society, and the media. The media is as sleazy and manipulative as Michael Moore. The media provides the most twisted, biased, and deceptive fallacies. If you're indecisive or politically uneducated, commit to some avid Google research. Find out what these politicians are all about and FOLLOW YOUR OWN MIND. And if you couldn't care less, this is such an important time to get involved. The issues at hand are crucial to your future. Apathy is such a problem with our generation, for the sake of our country and our future, develop some emotions and contribute.

Another brief statement before I get down to the nitty gritty: Neither candidate can possibly change things with the snap of their fingers, which is for some reason, expected by many citizens. Both candidates and their parties contain potential methods of change that are either too idealistic, ultimately ineffective, or only slightly effective in the present. It's only logical that we resolve problems slowly and surely, and not give in to falsely hopeful solutions based on minimal regards for every side to each situation. (Ahem, Obama.) What would be best is if they'd learn to compromise with each other like adults instead of constantly debating, but we all know that's too much to ask.

(I'm no good at transistions, so bear with me.)

I've decided to vote for McCain this year. I find him to be the most trustworthy politician in the biz. He's an incredible role model who has made significant sacrifices to our country. And pretty damn ballsy, one of very few conservatives with the guts to tackle many issues most politicians fail to address. If anyone deserves the White House more, it's McCain.

McCain is an avid supporter of free trade, as am I. So that's that.

Now when it comes to taxes, I have not reached a conclusion on either opinion. (Although I am against sin tax while McCain supports it.) Obama has voted numerous times to increase taxes, and McCain wants to decrease taxes. I find both opinions questionable, but my education on taxes is rather blurry...if you know enough about the situation, you can do the math yourself. However, from what I've heard, Obama's tax plan is ineffective.

McCain is against earmarks, but oddly voted in favor of a bill supporting such research. It's not about the research that gets me, it's the cost. I agree with his opposition, though.

Now McCain supports the reform of many matters (such as MediCare, entitlement, Social Security...) that are crucial to the well-being of each individual. High five. He is also a supporter of organizations who fight for the rights families who wish to place their children in a school beyond their geographical range.

McCain is very experienced militaristically, his biggest strengths lie with the most serious issues in our governent, such as the war and national security--which is highly considerable. McCain being in office would be the best thing for the war, our results would be far less moderate, we'd be far more successful. (Obama isn't the humanist he lets on, his idea of removing Iraqi troops is an example.)

When it comes to McCain's character, he is incredibly strong and consistent. (Which is notable for trustworthiness.) His views are firm and he's not afraid to be honest. He's kind of hilarious, too. His respect for the president is so classy, while it seems every Democrat is focused on Bush-bashing. But it's not that the Bush administration "screwed up this country," it's that they never take action so the problems escalate. (It could be worse, Kerry could have won and our problems would have rapidly escalated.) I think now, it's possible that most issues will improve either way...even though I have a sizable amount of disagreements with Obama's opinions/strategies. I also think there would be a lot of problems if he became president, because of our intolerant country.

I agree more with McCain's views and I believe he is the better choice. My views often lean towards liberalism, but I feel like America is in desperate need of a conservative in the following four years.

Blogging is boring

when no one reads your blogs.

Or when you don't have much to talk about / have too much to talk about to feel like typing.

Bud Ekins, Lupe Fiasco, George Carlin, David Bowie, Conan O'Brien, and Philip Seymour Hoffman are all my heroes. Even though Tina Turner says we don't need those. Too bad I can't think of any female heroes to add to that. ...My mom? I guess she's impacted my life somehow or another. I'd like to add Nas to that list.

People should learn how to spell "definitely."

Um, a friend recently texted me about her mother who got beaten and raped. Such an unfortunate event. She said it was on the news, so I did some research. I found the article via the internet, and the comments? Brutal! These people are heartless jerks! They cared more about their conservative opinions on how it was the victim's fault rather than wishing her well or claiming support towards bringing the criminal to justice. Any person who gave their best regards to the victims would be verbally attacked. It somehow turned into a political debate. It was infuriating, and so childish! These people are ADULTS, arguing with each other through the stupid internet, not over the incident itself but over getting the last word! People are beasts, and that is the problem with this country. There were definitely two sides to this argument, and instead of accepting that both sides are correct, these adults insist on bashing each other and turning the situation into controversy! People need to grow up, and stop being so egotistical. Most ridiculous thing I've ever read.

Got my hurr did.

I like it. I can make a fauxhawk.
So, that's that.

August biz. Friendship biz. Two blogs in one.

The month of August = my birth month and my busy month.

This month has been pretty eventful in the home.

-- Lost some "friends," of course. But gained new ones. It was actually a pretty decent bargain, my life seems to contain zero percent douchebag. *The end of this blog explains how that's going so far.

-- I've become hooked to two television series I just started watching. I watched all three seasons of Death Note, an anime (I appreciate Japan's art, their shows are very sophisticated and creative...call me a nerd), in one day. Currently watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. I'm in the middle of season one, I have a ways to go...but it's a great show. I'm a big Larry David fan.

-- I'm certainly not too big of a girl, but I do have real low metabolism. I've been exercising for the sake of health, and I've watched what I eat. Unfortunately I'm almost afraid of food, every time I eat I immediately get on the treadmill (which I believe is a symptom of anorexia...but don't worry.) It's sad that I've become so cautious, it's not the most fun experience I've ever had...but worth being fit. I'm planning for eating healthy and exercising regularly to become a part of my lifestyle, not just something I feel needs to be done until I drop a few pounds or something.

-- Monday = consultation for my teeth. What they're planning to do is fill some cavities and pull two molars that have almost completely deteriorated, and pull some wisdom teeth. Or something like that. I'm nervous, but ready and willing. (I feel so trashy...but I've heard some crazy cavity stories from some of the most clean-cut people I know, so...yep. I do brush my teeth daily, by the way. Perhaps it's because I don't floss and never see the dentist.)

-- I only have my permit, and I'm 17. (Fortunately, for the sake of reputation, I'm not the only one.) I guess I'm a decent driver, it's just a matter of confidence. We're throwing some to-be-sure lessons in, and taking my test, and hopefully my license will be here before I go to school. (My mom and I are into last minute things.)

-- I'm not high maintenance, I usually keep things pretty simple. My haircuts are never a big deal, I like my hair short and layered and easy to take care of. Four years ago, I had pretty lengthy hair...and I took a big step inside the Short Hair World. The longest my hair has been within these four years would be to about the bottom of my neck. Still, my hair was coarse and bland. Tomorrow I get my hurr did, and since I never color my dark brown hair, I'm probably going to throw in some light brown highlights. I'm going the shortest I've ever gone (I guess I'm getting braver and braver because my haircuts seem to be getting shorter and shorter), here's my plan:




I know my current profile picture is a little vague, but...there's not much I can do...so, let's just hope for the best.







*I've dramatically resolved problems with one friend of the "group." She's the only one who hasn't given up on me, she kept trying. We settled things and we're working on our relationship...it was such a funny conversation, like we're husband and wife. But her and I would have withdrawals if we stayed separated too long. I should have realized that she is the only one who matters. She did me wrong too...but what we two had was always such a closer bond. I can look past mistakes as she can look past mine. I don't need the rest of them to be happy, just whoever truly matters...it was wrong of me to put her in that group of people who I no longer care about like we've never shared a more emotionally intimate past than the rest of them. She isn't a hollow, emotionless machine like the rest of them. She deserves someone with heart too.

I'm semi-villainous

In a discussion with a friend I met online (not through this site), I realized I'm...kind of a douchebag. I'm only human, and of course I'm not the only one with these feelings.

I get a very strange, almost high, satisfaction of publicly humiliating people. Only if they deserve it, of course. I've got a well-developed intuition and I can almost read people like a book. It's fun for me to find a pretentious know-it-all and manipulate them into contradicting themselves. It's also fun for me to meet a smug luminary and boldly let them know how much I won't waste my time falsely exalting them.

I recently attended a concert in which I received backstage passes. The music involved was part of a scene I'm not really into, but the tickets were free so I decided I'd go. Backstage, we saw Tommy Lee. We came closer and closer to meeting him, which was a big deal to the people who brought me to the show. However, I felt stupid for standing backstage...missing the music...waiting for human beings as special as myself to what, disregard my presence? Exchange an insignificant glance? Maybe shake my hand and immediately forget me? I continued to stand with them, humiliated, thinking about how unimportant these people are to me. I'm wasting my time for people who haven't done a thing for me. But I had no choice, I wasn't about to ditch the people who voluntarily saved my boring day. (And you know how much gas is these days...) So I plotted a small scenario in my mind, in hopes Tommy Lee would find the time for his "fans." He was speaking with the drummer of Slipknot, (who...I exchanged very awkward glances with...) and several fans were standing with us awaiting his attention. I thought of what I would say if he approached me, something like, "Don't think I'm a big fan or anything. You're a great drummer, but you put your pants on one leg at a time...you're only human. It's not like I don't know any good drummers myself. You haven't done a damn thing for this world and only pathetic idiots would worship you, you're an ass for thinking so high of yourself. Sex and drugs is all you live for, I hope you're satisfied. You certainly haven't won my respect."

(He refused to take pictures because he was with other women and his wife was back home. Such an honorable guy.)

That would have been the ultimate satisfaction of my life, putting down a "prestige," or so he thinks.

Celebrity worship is pointless and ridiculous, and so is focusing on proving to them that some people really don't respect him at all. It will always be satisfying though...and I hope one day I can truly get into someone like Tommy Lee's head. (If I haven't already)

Sadness is self-induced.

And I'm not sad about living in the asshole of Texas. Just anxious to leave.

I've never stayed in one area so long. A whopping four and a half years. Approx 2400 days. I don't even want to calculate the hours and minutes. My stir-craziness + the shittiness of this place = I don't even know anymore. I don't know whether to say I've adjusted or just grown apathetic. Regardless, I'm just trying to focus on the tiny support system I have. The few friends I have left and optimistic visions of the future should get me through.

It seems every other blog is themed, "GET ME OUT OF HERE." But please don't misconstrue that as sadness or anger, just anxiety. Things could be worse. Could be better -- but could be worse. At this point, leaving takes up the majority of my spare time thinking, blogging takes my mind off it for a while.


I always thought Swedish Fish + Arizona Green Tea = love and happiness.

I was never good at math.

Turns out,
Swedish Fish + Arizona Green Tea = indigestion and regret,

while
Hamburger Helper + trick Ozarka + the Boomerang channel = tranquility and happiness. (Who needs love? Love sucks.)




*trick Ozarka = Ozarka bottles filled with tap water.

Boy you just a no good bitch and girl you're just a stupid dick

I'm exploring religions. Because I'm curious and have nothing better to do? Yes. I like to think it's a constructive activity. I'm looking at Buddhism...it's a fairly simple religion. Except...you have to memorize stuff...(insert awkward-faced emoticon)...I'm not fond of putting forth effort. At least, I think you have to, I googled "guide to being a buddhist." So I'm not sure the site is such a reliable source. The site gives a brief history of how Buddhism began, and explains the "Triple Gem" -- the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. (This is where I realized where the word "Dharma" of the "Dharma Initiative" came from on LOST. Which, by the way, is the most important show in the world. That and Arrested Development.) The site gives the daily routine for a good Buddhist, and here is the list:

1. Paying homage to the Buddha (Reflecting on and reciting the virtues of the Buddha, the Dhamma and the Samgha)

2. Observing the moral precepts (Observing the five or eight precepts to lead a good moral life)

3. Doing the act of charity (Offering alms-food, pure water, flowers, perfumes, and light to the Buddha and the monks)

4. Cultivating loving-kindness (Developing loving-kindness, Metta towards all living beings)

5. Striving for perpetuation and propagation of Buddha's Teachings (Participating in religious associations, supporting the Buddhism Practice, donation and distribution of books on Buddhism, teaching and discussing Buddhism)

6. Practising mindfulness on tranquillity and insight meditation (To overcome the real nature of personality-belief and to see mind and matter in oneself and to contemplate on their nature of impermanence, suffering and no-soul.)

7. Sharing merit (To share the meritorious deeds of charity, morality and meditation by saying "May all living beings gain the benefit of merit equally with me)

...Effort. And, Buddhists frown upon the intake of meat. So, no more Hamburger Helper.

(insert upset emoticon)

Well, don't insert that emoticon yet...because I am still contemplating trying this out. ...Should I?

All these elipses = sign of uncertainty, if you haven't noticed.

Here's the site, b t dub.

I wonder what dogs dream about.

I realized I make a lot of sound effects when I can't be fidgety.

I have a whole month left of summer. Ish. I'm planning on accomplishing things, when I'm not having my teeth fixed. (Which is next week, b t dub.)

• Have a lucid dream
• memorize "Ave Maria"
• Get into Zouk music
• Study uncommon religions
• Learn the Greek Alphabet
• Watch a decent Anime flick
• Create an incredibly difficult origami piece
• Finish a painting and be satisfied
• Halfway fill my new sketchbook (I got my set of oil pastels today!)
• Walk backwards through my entire house
• Build a trebuchet
• Learn how to play Sudoku
• Read a good book (any suggestions?)
• Watch all the movies on IMDB's top 100 movies
• Design my own tat
• Buy all the seasons of Arrested Development
• **Not worry about douchebags
• Learn how to read bar codes

25 days to do such.

Fitter, Happier

I lost my friends.
They let this happen
And I don't want to try anymore, which I told one of them, but it doesn't seem to affect them much.
They are all selfish and greedy with their hearts. I know all they care about is their own personal gain out of something...and I've put up with the drama and pettiness for 3 years.

I think they're expecting me to run back to them, which tends to be the case...but nooot this time. No sir, I am Fitter, Happier, and More Productive...and I'm not going to be weak and give in like the other times, and like everyone else. They've never done anything for me. Not that I expect that out of a friendship, but all those times I've been there, and not even remote gratefulness is shown? Meeeeh.

Austin, here I come.





I admire my mother. She always seems to know what she's talking about, she looks out for everyone, and she doesn't take bullshit from anyone. She's so good at arguing, she always knows what to say and how to manipulate people into taking her side. (Luckily, I know her too well to fall for it.) I love my mom, and as content as I am being opposite of her, I'd like to be just like her when I grow up. Except for the part where she can't stop nagging.


My room looks like a disorganized supply closet with unfinished walls. Which, I like, but...every once in awhile I need to tidy things up.

Wish me luck on my mural.