Got my hurr did.

I like it. I can make a fauxhawk.
So, that's that.

August biz. Friendship biz. Two blogs in one.

The month of August = my birth month and my busy month.

This month has been pretty eventful in the home.

-- Lost some "friends," of course. But gained new ones. It was actually a pretty decent bargain, my life seems to contain zero percent douchebag. *The end of this blog explains how that's going so far.

-- I've become hooked to two television series I just started watching. I watched all three seasons of Death Note, an anime (I appreciate Japan's art, their shows are very sophisticated and creative...call me a nerd), in one day. Currently watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. I'm in the middle of season one, I have a ways to go...but it's a great show. I'm a big Larry David fan.

-- I'm certainly not too big of a girl, but I do have real low metabolism. I've been exercising for the sake of health, and I've watched what I eat. Unfortunately I'm almost afraid of food, every time I eat I immediately get on the treadmill (which I believe is a symptom of anorexia...but don't worry.) It's sad that I've become so cautious, it's not the most fun experience I've ever had...but worth being fit. I'm planning for eating healthy and exercising regularly to become a part of my lifestyle, not just something I feel needs to be done until I drop a few pounds or something.

-- Monday = consultation for my teeth. What they're planning to do is fill some cavities and pull two molars that have almost completely deteriorated, and pull some wisdom teeth. Or something like that. I'm nervous, but ready and willing. (I feel so trashy...but I've heard some crazy cavity stories from some of the most clean-cut people I know, so...yep. I do brush my teeth daily, by the way. Perhaps it's because I don't floss and never see the dentist.)

-- I only have my permit, and I'm 17. (Fortunately, for the sake of reputation, I'm not the only one.) I guess I'm a decent driver, it's just a matter of confidence. We're throwing some to-be-sure lessons in, and taking my test, and hopefully my license will be here before I go to school. (My mom and I are into last minute things.)

-- I'm not high maintenance, I usually keep things pretty simple. My haircuts are never a big deal, I like my hair short and layered and easy to take care of. Four years ago, I had pretty lengthy hair...and I took a big step inside the Short Hair World. The longest my hair has been within these four years would be to about the bottom of my neck. Still, my hair was coarse and bland. Tomorrow I get my hurr did, and since I never color my dark brown hair, I'm probably going to throw in some light brown highlights. I'm going the shortest I've ever gone (I guess I'm getting braver and braver because my haircuts seem to be getting shorter and shorter), here's my plan:




I know my current profile picture is a little vague, but...there's not much I can do...so, let's just hope for the best.







*I've dramatically resolved problems with one friend of the "group." She's the only one who hasn't given up on me, she kept trying. We settled things and we're working on our relationship...it was such a funny conversation, like we're husband and wife. But her and I would have withdrawals if we stayed separated too long. I should have realized that she is the only one who matters. She did me wrong too...but what we two had was always such a closer bond. I can look past mistakes as she can look past mine. I don't need the rest of them to be happy, just whoever truly matters...it was wrong of me to put her in that group of people who I no longer care about like we've never shared a more emotionally intimate past than the rest of them. She isn't a hollow, emotionless machine like the rest of them. She deserves someone with heart too.

I'm semi-villainous

In a discussion with a friend I met online (not through this site), I realized I'm...kind of a douchebag. I'm only human, and of course I'm not the only one with these feelings.

I get a very strange, almost high, satisfaction of publicly humiliating people. Only if they deserve it, of course. I've got a well-developed intuition and I can almost read people like a book. It's fun for me to find a pretentious know-it-all and manipulate them into contradicting themselves. It's also fun for me to meet a smug luminary and boldly let them know how much I won't waste my time falsely exalting them.

I recently attended a concert in which I received backstage passes. The music involved was part of a scene I'm not really into, but the tickets were free so I decided I'd go. Backstage, we saw Tommy Lee. We came closer and closer to meeting him, which was a big deal to the people who brought me to the show. However, I felt stupid for standing backstage...missing the music...waiting for human beings as special as myself to what, disregard my presence? Exchange an insignificant glance? Maybe shake my hand and immediately forget me? I continued to stand with them, humiliated, thinking about how unimportant these people are to me. I'm wasting my time for people who haven't done a thing for me. But I had no choice, I wasn't about to ditch the people who voluntarily saved my boring day. (And you know how much gas is these days...) So I plotted a small scenario in my mind, in hopes Tommy Lee would find the time for his "fans." He was speaking with the drummer of Slipknot, (who...I exchanged very awkward glances with...) and several fans were standing with us awaiting his attention. I thought of what I would say if he approached me, something like, "Don't think I'm a big fan or anything. You're a great drummer, but you put your pants on one leg at a time...you're only human. It's not like I don't know any good drummers myself. You haven't done a damn thing for this world and only pathetic idiots would worship you, you're an ass for thinking so high of yourself. Sex and drugs is all you live for, I hope you're satisfied. You certainly haven't won my respect."

(He refused to take pictures because he was with other women and his wife was back home. Such an honorable guy.)

That would have been the ultimate satisfaction of my life, putting down a "prestige," or so he thinks.

Celebrity worship is pointless and ridiculous, and so is focusing on proving to them that some people really don't respect him at all. It will always be satisfying though...and I hope one day I can truly get into someone like Tommy Lee's head. (If I haven't already)

Sadness is self-induced.

And I'm not sad about living in the asshole of Texas. Just anxious to leave.

I've never stayed in one area so long. A whopping four and a half years. Approx 2400 days. I don't even want to calculate the hours and minutes. My stir-craziness + the shittiness of this place = I don't even know anymore. I don't know whether to say I've adjusted or just grown apathetic. Regardless, I'm just trying to focus on the tiny support system I have. The few friends I have left and optimistic visions of the future should get me through.

It seems every other blog is themed, "GET ME OUT OF HERE." But please don't misconstrue that as sadness or anger, just anxiety. Things could be worse. Could be better -- but could be worse. At this point, leaving takes up the majority of my spare time thinking, blogging takes my mind off it for a while.


I always thought Swedish Fish + Arizona Green Tea = love and happiness.

I was never good at math.

Turns out,
Swedish Fish + Arizona Green Tea = indigestion and regret,

while
Hamburger Helper + trick Ozarka + the Boomerang channel = tranquility and happiness. (Who needs love? Love sucks.)




*trick Ozarka = Ozarka bottles filled with tap water.

Boy you just a no good bitch and girl you're just a stupid dick

I'm exploring religions. Because I'm curious and have nothing better to do? Yes. I like to think it's a constructive activity. I'm looking at Buddhism...it's a fairly simple religion. Except...you have to memorize stuff...(insert awkward-faced emoticon)...I'm not fond of putting forth effort. At least, I think you have to, I googled "guide to being a buddhist." So I'm not sure the site is such a reliable source. The site gives a brief history of how Buddhism began, and explains the "Triple Gem" -- the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. (This is where I realized where the word "Dharma" of the "Dharma Initiative" came from on LOST. Which, by the way, is the most important show in the world. That and Arrested Development.) The site gives the daily routine for a good Buddhist, and here is the list:

1. Paying homage to the Buddha (Reflecting on and reciting the virtues of the Buddha, the Dhamma and the Samgha)

2. Observing the moral precepts (Observing the five or eight precepts to lead a good moral life)

3. Doing the act of charity (Offering alms-food, pure water, flowers, perfumes, and light to the Buddha and the monks)

4. Cultivating loving-kindness (Developing loving-kindness, Metta towards all living beings)

5. Striving for perpetuation and propagation of Buddha's Teachings (Participating in religious associations, supporting the Buddhism Practice, donation and distribution of books on Buddhism, teaching and discussing Buddhism)

6. Practising mindfulness on tranquillity and insight meditation (To overcome the real nature of personality-belief and to see mind and matter in oneself and to contemplate on their nature of impermanence, suffering and no-soul.)

7. Sharing merit (To share the meritorious deeds of charity, morality and meditation by saying "May all living beings gain the benefit of merit equally with me)

...Effort. And, Buddhists frown upon the intake of meat. So, no more Hamburger Helper.

(insert upset emoticon)

Well, don't insert that emoticon yet...because I am still contemplating trying this out. ...Should I?

All these elipses = sign of uncertainty, if you haven't noticed.

Here's the site, b t dub.

I wonder what dogs dream about.

I realized I make a lot of sound effects when I can't be fidgety.

I have a whole month left of summer. Ish. I'm planning on accomplishing things, when I'm not having my teeth fixed. (Which is next week, b t dub.)

• Have a lucid dream
• memorize "Ave Maria"
• Get into Zouk music
• Study uncommon religions
• Learn the Greek Alphabet
• Watch a decent Anime flick
• Create an incredibly difficult origami piece
• Finish a painting and be satisfied
• Halfway fill my new sketchbook (I got my set of oil pastels today!)
• Walk backwards through my entire house
• Build a trebuchet
• Learn how to play Sudoku
• Read a good book (any suggestions?)
• Watch all the movies on IMDB's top 100 movies
• Design my own tat
• Buy all the seasons of Arrested Development
• **Not worry about douchebags
• Learn how to read bar codes

25 days to do such.

Fitter, Happier

I lost my friends.
They let this happen
And I don't want to try anymore, which I told one of them, but it doesn't seem to affect them much.
They are all selfish and greedy with their hearts. I know all they care about is their own personal gain out of something...and I've put up with the drama and pettiness for 3 years.

I think they're expecting me to run back to them, which tends to be the case...but nooot this time. No sir, I am Fitter, Happier, and More Productive...and I'm not going to be weak and give in like the other times, and like everyone else. They've never done anything for me. Not that I expect that out of a friendship, but all those times I've been there, and not even remote gratefulness is shown? Meeeeh.

Austin, here I come.





I admire my mother. She always seems to know what she's talking about, she looks out for everyone, and she doesn't take bullshit from anyone. She's so good at arguing, she always knows what to say and how to manipulate people into taking her side. (Luckily, I know her too well to fall for it.) I love my mom, and as content as I am being opposite of her, I'd like to be just like her when I grow up. Except for the part where she can't stop nagging.


My room looks like a disorganized supply closet with unfinished walls. Which, I like, but...every once in awhile I need to tidy things up.

Wish me luck on my mural.